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Annuity $$ Doesn’t Have to Go Poof: Shootin' It Straight With Stan

Stan Haithcock
May 24, 2023
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Today's topic is excellent, and when you saw it on the screen, you asked, "What is he talking about? Martha, what is he talking about?" The topic is Annuity Money Doesn't Have to Go Proof, like disappear. Most of the dumb calls that I get either from financial journalists, advisors that call themselves masters of the universe, and a lot of people that are looking into annuities under the dumb assumption that when you die with an annuity, them thinking there's only one type, that the money goes poof and the evil annuity companies keep the money.

Courtesy Flush, Please

At least once a day, I get a call from a very brave person that says, "Let me tell you something, son. I wouldn't buy an annuity ever. I called you to tell you this because when I die, money is going to be kept by the annuity company. It goes poof for me and the family. Why would I ever do that, Stan The Annuity Man?" I'm like, "You're as dumb as a box of hair. Please take that well." That's the dumbest statement ever. I love when people go, "Yeah, I hate all annuities, Stan. Annuities are expensive. Annuities are bad. Annuities are just for the agent. Annuities are never bought, they're just sold." All of that is crapola, dungola. Seriously, that's just overflowing the toilet bowl, player. Courtesy flush, please. Have you ever been to the bathroom and wanted to yell out to someone, like in an airport bathroom? "Hey, courtesy flush over there. Could you just courtesy flush, yeah, just clear it out just, yeah, I know you're going to keep going. Just courtesy flush that down." Same thing for people that talk about annuities and don't know what the heck they're talking about. Courtesy flush.

Annuity Types

When people think, "When I die, the annuity company keeps the money," they're talking about one type and structured one way. They're talking about a life-only lifetime income stream, whether it's for a Qualified Longevity Annuity Contract, Deferred Income Annuity, or Single Premium Immediate Annuity. It's a life only or joint life only when the second spouse dies; payments stop. Money goes poof, but that's one of 40 plus different ways, and yes, I said 40 plus different ways for you to structure it. The vast majority of people that's worked very, very hard for their money don't want to see it go, poof. They want to make sure they're getting a lifetime income stream. However, they still want to ensure contractually that when they die, their Learjet hits the mountain, when they expire, and when the respirator is shut off out of mercy, 100% of any unused money will go to their family. And the evil annuity company that's looking for profits, has the big buildings and the logos on the plane and a bunch of overweight guys that make our money suits look bad smoking cigars on the buildings of the insurance companies; they're not going to keep them up.

There are a lot of things I want to accomplish in my life. A lot of them have nothing to do with annuities. I want to open for Metallica. That's a long story about how that's going to happen, but we're getting there. That's a rock band for all you disco people out there. Now I want to do that, but one of the things that I want to leave out here, leave the scar of The Annuity Man and one of the good and bad things, and I had someone say, "I don't know if that's a good thing." He wasn't a big fan of annuities, and he goes, "All your videos, you've got a thousand videos, they're going to be on the internet forever. All of it. All your funny sayings and stories about your mom and all this stuff will be there forever." I'm like, "Uh-huh. Isn't that great?" I'm going to haunt my two daughters. They'll be old, and they'll pull up, they'll be near retirement, and then they'll type in retirement thoughts, maybe annuities, and then my video's going to come up, and I'll be like, "Hey!" And it might be like trauma for my fantastic daughters, but I'm pretty happy they're out of the house because it's just me and the misses. Sometimes we sit in the house and go, "It's pretty nice. It's pretty quiet. It really is."

The Structure

Back to the topic, annuity money doesn't have to go poof. When you set up lifetime income with annuities, there are many different types. In fact, for lifetime income, there are four types for lifetime income, arguably five, but let's go through the four. Single Premium Immediate Annuities, Deferred Income Annuities, Qualified Longevity Annuity Contracts, and Income Riders attached to Indexed or Variable Annuities for lifetime income. They all can be structured so that not one penny will be kept by the annuity company. Even if you lived to 150, they're on the hook to pay. "What if lived to 160?" They're on the hook to pay. "How about 177?" They're on the hook to pay. "How about 200?" They're on the hook to pay. If there's a medical miracle and Elon Musk comes up and goes, "Ironically, I was in the kitchen the other day and just threw some things together, and it's a pill that will guarantee that you live to 162," someone's going to come up with that, so what happens then, Stan The Annuity Man, America's annuity agent? The annuity company's on the hook to pay, period. This leads to the next statement: if you're going to buy lifetime income stream, it better be with a good company, like a highly rated company.

A guy said the other day to me, and he goes, "You know, Stan, I've been doing a lot of research. I've watched your videos and read your books. I've done a deep dive into annuities, and I find myself a little bit more intrigued than I was. Still, I'm looking at this lifetime income quote that you and your team provided there in the Las Vegas home office with satellite offices all around, and I want to let you know, Stan, I want a quality company. Don't put some piece of crap in front of me." Here's what I said, and here's what I'm going to say to you. "I like you a lot. You're probably a wonderful person, and when we talk, we're going to laugh and joke and do virtual high-fives, but I'm never going to jeopardize my license with a recommendation to you. I'm going to put quality in front of you for lifetime income. I'm going to have looked under the hood to make sure that they can back up the claim, back up the lifetime income guarantee, period. We are going to fly first class for lifetime income, and most likely, we're going to structure it so the money doesn't go poof." "Well, I like that AA+ company, Stan, but me and the misses are just not thrilled about the money disappearing when we die." It doesn't have to be like that, Chester. You can structure it life with cash refund, or life with a period certain, or if you really want to handcuff the loved ones, which I call lovingly handcuffing your beneficiaries, life with an installment refund. All the annuities I have are life with an installment refund or joint life with an installment refund. So, of course, the lovely Christine, who's been married to The Annuity Man for 35 years, holy crap, is there a medal out there for her. But when she dies, because, of course, she's going to outlast me because she's been slowly poisoning me without the sugars she's been feeding me because I'm pre-diabetic, as we all are. I have lovingly handcuffed my daughter so that when my Learjet that I've leased briefly hits the mountain, they're not going to get the lump sum. They're going to get the payments. I always say you want your children to make payments on the Lamborghini, Ferrari, and Bentley instead of buying them with cash. They're going to buy it anyway, but you want them to make payments. That's called lovingly handcuffing your beneficiary. That's life with an installment refund or life with a period certain. Life with an installment refund is life with a period certain, but to the exact life expectancy date. Sounds better; life with an installment refund. Life with cash refund is, I die, someone offs me, which could happen if you look at how I've got things straight. But if I happen to die unexpectedly, and everyone's like, "What happened to Stan The Annuity Man? There's kind of a question mark around there," and my daughter shows up at the funeral in a Lamborghini, the one who lives in New York City, you're going to know something, right then. You're going to be like, "That looks a little fishy right there." But what I've done is they're going to get payments. They won't get the lump sum, and that's cool. You can do that. The bottom line is it doesn't have to go poof.

It's not going to go poof unless you tell me it's going to go poof. I did a video a while back called Annuities for Narcissists, Lifetime Income for Narcissists, which is cool if you think about it, or Lifetime Income for a Misanthrope, which is the opposite of a philanthrope. Misanthropes hate all humanity. In today's current environment, you can't really blame the person for being a misanthrope, but the bottom line is misanthropic annuity strategies or narcissistic annuity strategies are life only.

Client Example

I had a guy, and I've told this story before. I said, "Well, you want to set it up life with cash refund, life with installment refund because most people don't want the money to go poof." He goes, "I hate my family. I owe them nothing. I want life only, which is the highest payment." I'm like, "Hey, man, that's your call, player. It's your money. I understand it." Sometimes, we all look upon our family and say, "Yeah, I can see him proudly coming to that conclusion." Not that we're going to do that, but the bottom line is this. If anyone at a cocktail party or your advisor or you read something in the paper, "Well, you got to be careful with annuities because the money can disappear when you die," that is the dumbest, stupidest, uninformed statement of all time, of which one of my goals in life is to wipe that statement off the planet. Or when someone says it in a public setting, whether it be in print, digital video, or at a cocktail party, you literally laugh at that person. You're like, "Did you just really say that money goes poof with an annuity when you die?" and make a fool out of that person because it's that stupid, and I'm going to wipe it off the planet because it's not worth people repeating. And for whatever reason, it's caught hold out there with the people that stick their chest out and think they know everything. You know that person. I call it playing verbal jump rope. Remember the kids who turn the jump rope, and you get in? You know that person that everything you bring up, I don't care what you bring up, they're an expert in it, or they have a story, and that's verbal jump roping. That's the person if you brought up annuities, they would say that, and then you laugh in their face. You laugh, and if you have bad breath, you go, "Ha ha ha," right in their face, so they smell the onion and the pizza and the garlic. They smell it. They can taste it. You're right there.


Man, this has been fun. Don't you agree? You learn something. Money doesn't have to go poof with annuities, and you can structure so that the evil annuity company will never keep a penny even though they're contractually on the hook to pay. My name is Stan The Annuity Man. I'm going to go lay down now. See you next time.

Never forget to live in reality, not the dream, with annuities and contractual guarantees! You can use our calculators, get all six of my books for free, and most importantly book a call with me so we can discuss what works best for your specific situation.

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