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Pension Plans for Narcissists: Shootin' It Straight with Stan®

Stan Haithcock
July 6, 2022
Pension Plans for Narcissists: Shootin' It Straight with Stan®

The topic is pension plans for narcissists. So you might say, "Stan, what's a narcissist." Let me give you a southern version of what a narcissist is. It's a person that says, "Hey, enough about you. Let's talk about me." In other words, it's all about them. So, what is a pension plan for a narcissist?

4 Types of Annuities

Annuities are the only product on the planet that provides a lifetime income as long as you are breathing. There are four different types, Single Premium Immediate Annuities, Deferred Income Annuities, Qualified Longevity Annuity Contracts, acronym SPIAs, DIAs and QLACs. Then you have Income Riders that are attached to, in my case, Fixed Indexed Annuities. Fixed Index Annuities with Income Rider historically provide higher contractual guarantees than those similarly attached riders to Variable Annuities and the fees are less, et cetera.

Going back through the four types of annuities that provide lifetime income. Transfer of risk. As long as you're breathing, there's no ROI until you. So, Single Premium Immediate Annuities, the granddaddy of all annuities, straight transfer risk, income starts anywhere as soon as 30 days from the policy being issued up to a year. It turns into a Deferred Income Annuity, same product, same structure, once you defer past a year. And then there's a specific type of Deferred Income Annuity called a Qualified Longevity Annuity Contract that you can use in your traditional IRA and some qualified accounts. All of these are transfer-risk pension plans.

What does this have to do with being a narcissist and a pension plan? Well, in the financial world, in financial journalism, there are some that don't know a darn thing what they're talking about. "All annuities are bad. All annuities are expensive. Never ever buy an annuity." They have no clue what they're talking about. Too many people in the annuity industry do that. One of the things they do, is they say, "Well, I would never buy an annuity because if you die, the money goes poof." That's only one of 40 ways to structure say Immediate Annuity. And what they're talking about is life only. And life only is the narcissist pension plan. Why? Because you're shouldering some of that risk, even though you're transferring the risk to the annuity company, to pay you for as long as you are breathing.

Life Only

So, if you go to my site at and run SPIA, DIA, and QLAC quotes, you're going to have the option to run your narcissist pension plan, which is life only, which means it's only about you. And now you can run if your spouse is a joint narcissist with you, you could have a joint narcissist life-only pension plan. Meaning that when your Learjet hits the mountain, money goes poof. But if one of you dies, the other narcissist gets the lifetime income stream uninterrupted and unchanged.

Client Example

Why am I using the word narcissist? I'm glad you asked because there is a great story. Got a call the other day. Guy called and said, "Stan The Annuity Man, America's annuity agent®, I am interested in a Single Premium Immediate Annuity payment.” It was like 300,000, 400,000, we quoted it and I always ask this, "Do you want to make sure that when you die and when your Bentley hits the tree when your Lamborghini goes off the cliff, do you want to make sure that 100% of any unused money goes to the beneficiaries, because as you know, with lifetime income with annuities, the income stream is a combination of return of principle plus interest." And the person said, "Absolutely not. I hate my family. My kids made me mad. I don't like them. I want the highest payment on me. I want to be a narcissist about this." And I wrote that down. Narcissist plan.

A lot of people out there have enough money in life insurance they're going to leave to their families. Or they have enough money in the markets and mutual funds and they have distrust and they have all the stuff they're going to leave their family and they need to create a lifetime income stream to combine with social security; which is the other lifetime income stream annuity you own, required minimum distributions, which is what I call the forced annuity, and any other dividend, side hustle, things that are bringing in income to your account. But if you want the highest contractual guarantee payment with a SPIA, DIA, or a QLAC, you can choose life only.

Now, the annuity companies are fine with that because you step off the curb on day two and a bus hits you and the money goes poof, the annuity company keeps the money. But a lot of people out there say, "You know what? I don't care. My kids are getting enough. I pay for the college. My wife or spouse is going to get enough. I want the highest lifetime income payment." I got a recent call from a couple the other day. They go, "Our kids are out of the home. They're doing okay. They're married. We want the highest lifetime income for us. We want to maximize it for us. For once in our lives as parents, it's about us. We want to be narcissists when it comes to our lifetime income stream. We want to be self-focused. Enough about them. Let's talk about us." And I agree with that.

The Narcissist Way

Now, do you have to do it that way? No. If you say, "Stan, I work really hard and I really like my kids and the grandkids, and I want to make sure 100% of every penny that I hand to this annuity company is either going to be paid out to me or me and my spouse lifetime income stream, but when we die, 100% of any unused money goes to the listed beneficiaries of the policy and the evil annuity company doesn't keep a penny” that can happen contractually. Do you understand that? Do not believe the idiots out there that say, "Never buy an annuity because when you're done, money goes poof." That's one of 40 different ways to structure lifetime income.

Now, there is one type of lifetime income stream product, remember there are four, SPIAs, DIAs, and QLACs, now you can take the narcissist role and do life only and it's going to be the highest payment, but with Income Riders that are attached to, in this case, Fixed Indexed Annuities and sometimes Multi-Year Guarantee Annuities (both are CD types) when you die, whatever's left in that accumulation value goes 100% to the beneficiaries. That's a non-narcissist lifetime income stream. Income Riders are attachments at the time of application you choose to do that to either a Variable Annuity or Indexed Annuity. Indexed Annuities typically offer a higher contractual guaranteed Income Rider.

When we attach those two Indexed Annuities, then we do not look at the Indexed Annuity. It's nothing more than a delivery system that's sufficient and cost-effective for that guaranteed income rider. I always ask two questions. What do you want the money to contractually do? And when do you want those contractual guarantees to start? From those two answers, I can pair you up with the type of annuity that's going to provide the highest contractual guarantee. So if you say, "Income," as your first answer, great, we're down to the four. And then if you say, "I need it now," or "I need it in a year," or "I need it in two years, I need it in five years et. Cetera," whatever, “your life, joint life,” whatever. Then I'm going to quote those specific annuity types that provide those contractual guarantees.

So, three out of the four, SPIAs, DIAs, and QLACs, you can be a flat-out narcissist. You can be that person that you always wanted to be, the king that you are, the queen that you are. Screw everybody else, this is about you. You're going to get the highest payment. We're going to shop all carriers at for the highest contractual guaranteed life-only narcissist pension plan for you. But if lifetime Income Riders finish first when we do the quotes, then you're going to have to step off a little bit of that narcissism and just say, "Okay, I'm going to get the highest contractual guarantee. And even though I hate everybody and hate humanity, I got to take it because of the highest contractual guarantee."

Will Do, Not Might Do®

Remember, will do, not might do®. You own an annuity for what it will do, not what it might do. The will do®, contractual guarantees of the policy most of the time, because it's life only, that's going to be the highest contractual guarantee. But if you want to make sure you protect every penny, we're not going to do life only, but I'm talking to you narcissists out there.

How do I get the highest contractual guaranteed payout? You use me, at, because I represent pretty much every carrier on the planet and we shop all carriers for the highest contractual guarantee we'll run it life-only for you where you can go to my site and run it on my proprietary calculators, 24/7, 365 without having to talk to me.

So, I thought this would be a fun way to describe life only. The life-only structure that you can get with SPIAs, DIAs, and QLACs, you can't get with an Income Rider with an Indexed Annuity and that's okay because we're going to be quoting these companies. Remember, annuity companies offer these products, they're commodity products, and their quotes change like a gallon of milk every seven to 10 days. There's no perfect time to buy them. Annuity companies have big buildings for a reason. You have to feel comfortable with that contractual guarantee. But if you say, "You know what? I have laid it on the line for the family. I just want the highest payout for me." If there's anyone that understands that statement, that would be me.

Never forget to live in reality, not the dream, with annuities and contractual guarantees! You can use our calculators, get all six of my books for free, and most importantly book a call with me so we can discuss what works best for your specific situation.

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